Tuesday, 28 August 2007

Peenal Pindi was unhappy with life. " I am short. So my life is short", he had said in his depressingly nasal voice before he tried to kill himself. He was currently tied to a chair, his ankles and his wrists aching, and his nose itching. He squirmed his face about to somehow scratch himself but was unable to. Two men and one woman were staring at him, rather bemused. One man was extremely tall and trying to impress the woman with his long arms. The other man was rather short and tried to impress the woman with his superior intellect. The woman, however, was deeply unimpressed and bored.

"Let's get back to the study then. Why did you try and kill yourself, sir? ", asked the woman.
"Because my wife kept calling me Mr. Pindi."
"So? "
"She's my wife! "
"He's delirious!" exclaimed the short man with the superior intellect.
"Quiet you! Didn't I tell you to keep your mouth shut at all times unless I asked you to speak?"
"Yes, ma'm."
"Did you just speak again?!"
The short man gave a little squeal and ran back to his corner, hanging from the ceiling with his hands, trying to make himself taller.

"My nose itches. Can you scratch it?"
"Sure." she said. However, she did not move. She seemed rather preoccupied with the notes she was making in her notepad.
"Ma'm, can you please scratch my nose?"
"Yes yes. That's nice." She was now staring at the short man. She was doing this because the short man's pants had fallen off. The short man hadn't noticed, and thought she was staring at him because of an inevitable truth. He, Muchacho Lorenzo Philipino, possessed sex appeal. He had always suspected it. Now he knew it was true. He decided to strut around, flex his biceps, and maybe life Mr. Pindi with one arm and do the disco with the other, when he tripped over his pants and fell to the floor. Visions of him doing the uptown funk with the woman dissaparated. The woman now began to write frantically. The short man guessed she was making notes on his behaviour, and went to the corner to sulk. He took out his mobile phone and called his mother.

"Mr. Pindi, can you-"
"What's wrong?"
"You called me Mr. Pindi."
"Don't you remember?! I hate being called that!"
"Really? That's interesting." said the tall man suddenly. An evil smile spread across his mouth, and his eyes seemed to gleam. Mr. Pindi was sure he was having satanic visions and begun to chant his mantras.

The tall man approached him.
"Mr. Pindi Mr. Pindi Mr. Pindi Mr. Pindi Mr. Pi-"
"Oh my God! Oh Raam! Oh Chondro! Oh Raam Chondro Gopal Ray!"
Suddenly the noise stopped. Mr. Pindi opened his eyes. The tall man was kneeling on the floor, his hands tied behind his back. There was a hamburger in his mouth. He tried to eat it, but it dropped to the floor. The tall man started crying, tore his hands away from his ropes, picked up the short man, threw him away, sat in his corner, began to sulk, and called Dominoes.

"This is going nowhere. Mr. Pindi, why-"
"Ayee! Raam! Gopal! Ow!" The woman had slapped him. She walked away, leaving him tied to the chair, unable to move, unable to eat, and unable to urinate. He spit on the floor, and his teeth were red with the stains from his paan. Soon, the tall man left, carrying the short man under his arm. He was left there to die.

He was found 3 days later, after the woman had commited suicide. His face had almost sunk into his bones, and his skin was so dry scales had developed on it. His face was pale, and green veins were clearly visible throughout it. His eyes were no longer the brown they used to be. They were white, and the iris and the pupil could not be diffrentiated from each other. His rib cage was clearly visible, and if you looked hard enough, you could make out where the heart used to beat. The anorexic detective said,"What? He looks alright only." His teeth, however were in perfect condition. They were only a little red.


blinknmiss said...

lost the thread a little in the middle... but not bad. good sense of contained frustration, in a readable way. you have a talent for good lastliners. use it.

Shyama said...

Oh - man Topshe - you are amazing - I haven't laughed so hard for a while

blinknmiss said...

damn this still scares me.